Six Types of NHL Rumours

http://hockeyheadblog.com/?p=795

January 27, 2010
by Scott Lewis

We all love a good trade rumour, it’s just that most of them end up being just that… a rumour. Of course, one always has to consider the source of a rumour to evaluate its plausibility. Now more than ever, with the advancements in social media, trade rumours spread quicker than a case of crabs in the Flyers’ locker room.

Here is a detailed description of six of the most common types of rumours, and the sources from which they originate:

The Bob MacKenzie: Bob MacKenzie is strapped with Blackberrys like Frank Castle is guns. The godfather of the modern day NHL rumour, MacKenzie has been known to muscle some of his babies into actual deals.

He’s been reported to exhibit extreme fits of “hockey dad rage” in efforts to to see his reported rumours through. Says one unnamed Hockey Head source: “I once saw Bob MacKenzie turn Jay Feaster’s belly into hamburger meat with a flurry of rabbit punches and hard roundhouse kick, just so he’d pick up Darryl Sydor and prove Bob right”. Added another anonymous source: “Mike Sillinger only would have worn three jerseys his entire career had MacKenzie not reported him packing the other nine times”.

His exhausting arsenal of telecommunications devices and heavy handedness often lead him to erroneously report things as a done deal, ala Mats Sundin to the Rangers. Hell hath no fury like an embarrassed Spongebob MacKenzie.

The Steve Ludzik: These are often poorly executed and also ill-advised to speak of. They’re easy to spot, though. A well played Ludzik style rumour is often followed by a prolonged absence from on-screen appearances, and in some cases banishment from television altogether.

The prototypical punch-drunk hockey player turned broadcaster, Steve Ludzik has been MIA since reporting Pronger to the Kings for Jack Johnson and a first round pick last summer. Please inform us if you know of his whereabouts.

The Eklund: Hilarious, stupefyingly idiotic, wouldn’t even work in a video game; all ways to describe the audacity of an Eklund rumour. Often accompanied by rampant spelling mistakes and a self-imposed rating system, Eklund rumours range from downright absurd to the financially implausible.

Little is known of their origin, some say he’s a man named Dwayne, others believe he invented the internet. All that’s known is that he’s got a following that would make Jesus Christ jealous. Credible journalists everywhere equate Eklund to Keyser Söze, he’s “a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night”.

The Darren Dreger: Also referred to as “the Clark Kent” rumour, Dreger has a tendency to disappear right after a rumour report only to resurface at the scene of final negotiations. Detailed, financial terms well thought out, prophetic in nature; what derails a Dreger rumour only makes him stronger. A clash of historic proportions between Dreger and Bob MacKenzie is imminent, these men are well armed.

The Ignorant Co-worker: You’ve never spoken to him or her, but when they start babbling about how the Leafs are sending Grabovski and Kaberle to the Lightning for Martin St. Louis and Victor Hedman you want to reach over and smack ‘em. The water cooler is where some of the most random trade suggestions are made, only an Eklund rumour has the legs to go toe-to-toe with Paul from accounting whose brother knows the guy that cleans the ice at the farm team’s practice facility.

The Bruce Garrioch: “Malkin to the Kings!”